It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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