I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
