You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
