The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
