just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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