I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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