Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
