I think my vagina is haunted
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
