I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
