Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There r osticjed everywhere
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
