I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
