how can u be prego again
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Randomize
