I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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