I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
