until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
