I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
