at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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