Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
