i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
