Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
