My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?