You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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