if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
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I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra