if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.