i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.