This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream