in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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