the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
