Taylor Swift is so right about you.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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