Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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