Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
