Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
