somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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