you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
