There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
