recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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