Heybabeimwearingurpanties
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
