Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
