Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
