she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
