You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
how drunk are you?
Several
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize