so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
