big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
