Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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