Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
