oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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