If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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