Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
