At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
