No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
