pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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