I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
