So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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