grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
