Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
