problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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