my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
