My friends, they love my intelligence
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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