I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
