Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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