Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
