I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
