TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
