Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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