shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ugly people sure do ruin things
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
