Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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