you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
