so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
