he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
