im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
