I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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