just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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