You can't special order awesome
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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