apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Two words: blizzard sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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