sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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