Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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