Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
whose parrot is this?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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