i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
