afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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