I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
