I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
