roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
