He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
sex in a hospital.. check
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
