Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
